You know, they teach you many things in school, most of them a complete waste of time. One of the things they do not teach you is how to drink beer out of a boot. Luckily I am here to fill in that gap in your education. I have gone out of my way to study the art of bootdrinking, and here I present my findings.
One: Order the largest bootsize they have. I ordered one of approximately 2.5L – I don’t know, maybe a size 12? Do not waste your time with the smaller boots, other men will laugh at you.
Two: If there is an inch of froth at the top, it is best to let it settle for a while before trying to drink from it. I made the mistake of attempting a drink, and was gagging on froth for several minutes, with no apparent liquid.
Three: Particularly in the first stage, drink with both hands. Towards the end, you may change to one hand, holding the vessel near the ankle. If you try looking cool holding it with one hand at the start, you run the risk of looking like a right nobby after you have poured 2L of beer onto your lap.
Four: The middle stages are difficult. This is the point where you start to wonder if you will ever get to the bottom. The key point here is that once you get down a bit, you start having troubles with air flowing in and out of the toe of the boot as you tilt the vessel. I have found that holding the boot with the toe pointing down avoids this problem, allowing air to flow without restriction while tilting the boot.
Five: The end – avoid the temptation to bang the empty boot on top of your head and shout some phrase from your engineering student days. It doesn’t go down well with the more sedate customers sitting next to you. After all, you are in a restaurant, not a beerhall.
No need to thank me for this advice now, but you can think of me next time you are drinking beer from a boot.
I flew from Istanbul to Athens, where I caught the fast ferry to Hania, in Crete. Somehow, and I don’t know how, I ended up with a business class ticket. I think the stewards were as shocked as I was when looking at my ticket. I thought it was a little more than it should have been. Turns out though, that business class is not that great. They don’t give you any free food or drink. When I offered a beer to the Greek next to me, he politely declined. I think I would have been better off in deck class. Serves me right for going on the high speed ferry.
I’m in Hania, and I think I will stay here for most of the next week, with the exception of the odd day trip here and there. It’s a nice little town, and I’ve got a nice room right on the waterfront, on top of a row of restaurants. A bit touristy, but it’s not quite high season yet. After doing a lot of travelling over the last few months, it’s time for a holiday I think. Perhaps a week here of doing nothing sounds about right.
I may get bored after a few days though, and hit the road, to somewhere else on Crete. We’ll see what happens.