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Just a short note to say that I have arrived in the epitome of capitalism, in the most capitalistic country on Earth – yes, that’s right, I’m in Shanghai, and the end of the G312 highway, that I first started following at the Kazakhstan border.

I enjoyed Nanjing, but unfortunately the one thing I specifically wanted to see there, the Memorial to the Victims of the Nanjing Massacre, was closed due to construction. So I jumped back on the bike, and rolled on towards Shanghai. There was a mix of riding along the way, some boring industrial corridors, but then some lovely riding along the Grand Canal. Watching the barges cruising up and down reminded me of Germany. Except a lot dirtier of course. Suzhou was nice enough, but all get a bit artificial now. A real highlight was finding two places selling Erdinger Weissbier – both helles and dunkel, and one had bottles, the other a tap! Not cheap, but the 50RMB (about 5 euros) was worth it for my first wheat beer since Austria.

I have said before that China continues to amaze me every day, and today was no exception. I was wandering around the Yuyuan area, which was overly touristic, and had had enough of it. So I headed off down a side street, and came across someone setting fire to a rubbish bin. A flag went up, a whistle was blown, and someone came sprinting down the street with a fire extinguisher, put the fire out, and ran back. A couple of minutes later the process was repeated. There was some sort of drill going on, and staff were being timed in how quickly they could respond to a fire. Ah, China.

And for today’s Chinglish quiz, I’d like some guesses as to what this means: “Point profess your excellency seat.” Answers on the back of a postcard please.

Not quite sure why I didn’t think of these the other day, but here’s some more CCP that I thought of while riding into Nanjing:

• Roger that, 193643! Qingdao has six beaches. When naming them, the council was looking for names that would reflect their individual nature, famous figures from the area, historical events, the beauty of the Chinese language, and the great imagination that the Party has. So, in no particular order, we have:
  • Number 1 Bathing Beach.
  • Number 2 Bathing Beach.
  • Number 3 Bathing Beach.
  • Number 4 Bathing Beach.
  • Number 5 Bathing Beach.
  • Number 6 Bathing Beach.

  Seriously. Everything is like that – bridges, schools, factories, etc. Everything is just a number, not a name. But it gets worse. If you go into a Post Office, or come across policeman, shop assistants, whatever – all their name badges simply have a number, and not a name. Objects I can handle, but I find referring to people by number deeply disturbing. I’m not sure if this is a Communist thing, or if it goes back further – I suspect it’s Communist.

• Turn it up to 11! Everything in China is done at maximum volume. People who are sensitive to noisy environments will have a rough time in China. It’s not just noisy traffic and car horns, it’s everything. Talking on your phone in the middle of a restaurant? Well, it is a mobile call, and the other person might be a long way away, so better to shout as loud as possible into the phone. Chatting to the person at the other side of the table? Why not shout at them instead, in case they miss something? With construction work taking place over approximately 97.5% of China, it also adds something to the aural mix. Not a lot of peace and quiet here…
• Facemasks as fashion accessories. You’ve probably seen footage of Chinese people wearing facemasks, especially during SARS outbreaks. But what you might not realise is that they are quite commonly worn, almost exclusively by women, to try and filter out some of the crap in the air. Interestingly not so much in the really polluted places like Lanzhou, and Coaldustville, Shanxi Province. But where they are worn, they’re not always plain white surgical masks. I’ve seen all sorts of colours, and even crocheted ones. Don’t think they actually do much about filtering the air, but I guess they make people feel better. I see them as a sort of silent protest against the rape of the environment too.
• “Happy Birthday To You.” China is the only place I’ve ever seen street cleaning machines that blare out loud tunes as they meander along the roads, blasting jets of water into people’s houses. The washing machine I used yesterday that played a tune on startup was quite a novelty to me too.
• Chav China. I don’t know who made this decision, but every school in China has tracksuits as their uniform. So when you are riding through a village around lunchtime, you are suddenly surrounded by hundreds of Chavs on bikes. Very disconcerting. I think someone visited England, saw all the shellsuits, and decided that would make for a good uniform. Dear oh dear. (PS For my much beloved Scottish readers, I am aware that the correct term is “Neds,” however I prefer the alliteration.)

I’m now in Nanjing, after some fun with some unplanned expressway riding on the way in here. I was sure I was going to get thrown off, and indeed I wanted to get off the epxressway, but it took ages to reach an exit. Not that the police cared, they just left me alone. It’s a nice city, except I’m back into pollution, after some lovely riding down here, through nice countryside, with lots of waterways and lakes, and some nice riding along quiet country roads. No more of that as I head to Shanghai though…

I’m on the road south from Qingdao to Nanjing – thankfully a much more interesting ride this time, I’m quite enjoying it. I’m staying in yet another no-name, identi-kit town, where no Westerners ever come. I sit in the restaurant, eating my noodles, and in the background I can hear people practising saying “Where are you come from?” Finally someone has the courage to come and ask me. I reply “Xinxilan” – NZ in Chinese, no point saying New Zealand, people don’t know it. That’s either all they want to know, or (more probably) know how to ask, for they then go and sit down again, and I hear whispers of “xinxilan” being passed around to anyone within 50m who wants to know. Ah, China.

But anyways, I’ve being meaning to write something on various Chinese cultural practices – things that the Chinese do, that amuse me, and/or I don’t really understand, nor probably ever will. I would like to stress though, that I am thoroughly enjoying China, and nothing here should necessarily be taken too seriously.

• Spitting. This is a big one, so I should get it out of the way first. Despite what you may read in the LP, spitting is conducted by almost everyone, pretty much everywhere. Outside, sure. Inside, at a restaurant table – no problem. At an Internet cafe – why not? You work in a bank, behind a desk in full view of customers? No reason for you not to try and bring up a lung in front of the customers. Like others, I have wondered where this practice arises from – does it go back a long way, or is it more recent? Is it for some health benefit that I’m unaware of? Is it some way of coping with the pollution? Possible. Whatever, I can assure you that waking up to the sound of 5 men busily trying to out-spit each other is not the most pleasant thing.
• Staring. Another biggie. From what I understand, this used to be much worse, and in places like Xi’an and Beijing it’s not really an issue. Anywhere else though, I frequently get large groups of people staring at me, sometimes open-mouthed. Thankfully not drooling like some people in Uzbekistan…Children are either fascinated or scared by me, pointing and (sometimes) screaming. Mothers run and get their children, to look at the “laowai.” People working at the side of the road call out to all their friends, to make sure they don’t miss a chance to stare at the funny foreigner. For some reason, different towns have quite different feels. Sometimes people just stare, but in other towns people gather round. E.g. last night in a small town, a large group of men interrupted their mah jong game to gather round, fiddle with the bike, and help me find a hotel. All very friendly, and completely understanding my inability to speak Putonghua.
• Who needs nappies when you’ve got…well…everywhere to crap? I’ve seen more bare babies backsides than I ever thought I would in my whole life. Small children here have crotchless pants, and just go to the toilet wherever they happen to be. Mothers hold them up, recalling Thubron’s nice line about holding them “proudly steady.” For some reason they tend to avoid gutters, bushes, etc., preferring to make a nice little pile of poo in the middle of the footpath.
• Team bonding. Now when I worked at Vodafone, they were all into funky/trendy/zesty ideas, but thankfully the HR department there never tried this one. Early in the morning, shortly before opening, some businesses get their staff out on the footpath, doing team exercises – I’ve seen China Mobile staff with a long skipping rope, others doing various calisthenics…all just a bit strange for me.
• But that’s not to say that doing group exercise routines in public places is bad. You often come across tai chi groups in the morning, or sometimes ballroom dancing in the evening. Stranger ones involve doing ritualistic movements with a sword, or a ball and racket, where the objective seems to be to keep the ball on the racket, while twisting it about, around your body, through your legs, etc.
• Going to the supermarket can be an experience in itself. Most stores have vast teams of workers, doing little of discernible value. They follow you around the store, and point out various items for you to buy. I must try getting one of them to hold my basket for me. The other day they were so excited to see a foreigner, that I had 10 people following me around the store. One young man was so excited he ran up to me, grabbed the item I was holding, and said “How much?” Dunno mate, you work here, not me. But then when you get to checkout, there’s only one girl there, no-one else doing the packing. The bags are hidden under the counter, and she must swipe all your items, then start packing them. You get some outraged looks if you try and start packing things yourself, and the bag is snatched away. I’ve given up trying now, I just stand there and let things take their course. I’m in no hurry. Which is just as well, since there is invariably a delay at checkout. I’m not sure why, but there is always some sort of problem. It’s not like the Turks, or Central Asians, where the concept of a checkout and queue is a complete mystery (they try going through backwards). A classic one is where everything is swiped, the total is rung up…oh no I can’t afford all that, take that one off. Except they can’t do that. The whole sale is cancelled, everything comes back out of the trolley, the food the baby has started eating gets yanked off it, and everything gets swiped again. I am not making this up.
• Paying for items is also a challenge. It is very, very, very rare for the person who served you to also be the one you pay. In a department store, you will be given a ticket to take to the cashier. You pay them, then trek back to wherever your items are, stopping for sustenance as required, hand them the receipt, and they give you the goods. I once walked for 5 minutes, and queued another 10, just to pay $0.50 for a couple of pens. It was a bit strange trying to work this out the first couple of times, now I don’t even blink. I was a bit shocked in Hong Kong where I got something from a small chemist, and the man who served me also wanted me to pay him. Outrageous! There’s people out there need jobs, you know! It gets more amusing in smaller stores, where you have to walk 3 metres over, pay someone, then turn around and pick up your goods.
• Driving. I’ve mentioned this before, but drivers in China simply do not have any concept of what safe driving involves. They are all absolutely convinced that their horn gives their car magic properties, and simply blowing it will automatically give them the right of way, and make it safe. Sadly, every day I come across the result of where both cars blew their horns. If only they could afford an Audi or black VW, as they automatically have right of way over all other vehicles. Of course, the head-on collisions between Audis indicate there may also be a problem with that theory, but never mind, China has its top scientists working on the problem (all those not involved with the Lunar orbiter, anyway). Development is underway on a 196dB horn, the most powerful yet!
• Throw-away society. There is a complete absence of quality control, and so many things have all sorts of bells and whistles…but only last a few uses. Like the shower I had that had a radio, multiple lights, massage heads, all sorts. Except for hot water. And none of the other things worked properly. One of the neatest things is the dodgy food stalls, where rather than wash the plates, they just stick a plastic bag over the plate. After you’re finished, they just throw the bag away. Presto! Clean plate. Students/bachelors take note. Now you can look like you have proper crockery (for when Mum comes around), but still not have to do dishes.
• Fireworks – of course, being the inventors, they have a pretty incredible array. But there’s still something strange about sitting at the side of the road, watching a truck go by, with workers throwing hundreds of double happies over the side, making a huge roar along the road. Right now it sounds like light arms fire outside. In one town it sounded like something heavier – a whoomph, was followed 10s later by a dull boom. No-one even blinked.
• The packaging revolution. I’ve never seen such incredible levels of packaging, for so little product. A classic example might be a box of biscuits, where the biscuits are individually wrapped, then placed on a tray, then stuck in the box. And under no circumstances should the contents ever, ever match the photo. That’s why I now tend to buy international brands, or things in clear packaging. One good thing is that all packages will have a small nick in the side, so that you can get them open easily. Otherwise some packages would not be openable without the aid of pliers and a cutting torch.
• Jobs for the boys. And girls. If something can be done by 2 people, why not hire 5 instead, and have most of them standing around doing nothing for most of the day? I watched a group of men digging up a tree stump the other day. One was swinging the pick and doing all the work, the other four were…watching. Oh and the driver – of course you need a dedicated driver – was just sitting in the truck, waiting to take them back to wherever they come from
• Women are tough. Real tough. Women here do everything – all sorts of hard physical labour, breaking rocks, roadwork, tough field work, everything. I wouldn’t want to mess with them. At least here the men also do some work in the fields, not like some countries, where women do all the field work, while men just sit around drinking vodka.

I would like to emphasise how much I am enjoying it here though, and the Chinese people continue to amaze me. They are so full of life, and have so much energy, incredible for people who have had so much done to them. In some things, like their night food markets, they really know how to live.

I’ll add some more things as I think of them out on the road.

I have at last arrived in Qingdao, which means I have now travelled overland all the way across the Eurasian continent. It was quite something to wander down to the beach, and dip my toes in the water (no more, it was cold!). I broke out of the fog at last, and I even hit a few minor hills on the way into town, so things are not as dull as they were.

I quite like the feel of this place – it’s not especially exciting, and would presumably be quite a bit nicer in summer – it’s too cold and windy right now – but it’s nice to kick back in for a couple of days. The Tsingtao brewery was a nice diversion – the beer they give you halfway through is a rather small glass, but thankfully at the end you get 500mL.

Much enlivening the proceedings here is that Yann and Em, who I first met in Bishkek, are also stopping here, along with Em’s Dad. It’s nice to spend time with people that you know somewhat, and can have conversations beyond the normal “what’s your name/where are you from/where are you going” conversations.

Not quite sure exactly what route I’ll be going from here south, but the rough plan is to head towards Nanjing, then Shanghai. Hopefully things will be a bit more interesting along the road – may follow the coast for a while.

I’ve been doing some thinking about Chinese culture, and things that are done here that I simply do not, and probably never will, understand. Will try and write up something if I have time here, or if the weather is cold and I stay indoors.

All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. Fog, all flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy. All flat roads and no climbing makes Lindsay a dull boy.

I’m currently somewhere in Shandong province (don’t even know the name of this town in Latin script), just south of the Yellow River. The four days riding south of Beijing have been all flat, and incredibly dull. Flat roads, too many bad drivers, flat countryside, corn and cotton fields. For the last two days, it’s been heavy fog, visibility 5-10m, so there’s even less to see – although in a way it’s not quite so dull, as the danger factor has increased – Chinese drivers don’t slow down for fog, no sireee. You just have to beep your horn more frequently.

However, another two or three more days, and I’ll be in Qingdao, which should be more interesting, and I should have something more enlivening to write about. Possibly I’ll even drink a Tsingtao or two.

(preferably in a female BBC presenter’s voice)

Escalator safety is easy to learn, and easy to remember

I kid you not – this was part of the message I kept hearing on the MTR (subway system) in Hong Kong. It all felt very British to me, with so many pointless safety announcements and signs everywhere. For someone straight from the UK, I guess they would notice the Chinese influence more, but the whole place felt quite British to me – perhaps the large number of people from the sub-continent were part of it.

This is not to say it was bad – for one thing people were not staring at me. Another is that I have found the Chinese are not genetically incapable of good driving, as I had suspected. Remarkably few horns were in use, and I even saw one driver let another in. It did make for some odd moments though, as I would just waltz across the road when I felt like it, only to look back and realise that everyone else was waiting for the “cross now” signal. Someone else commented that they liked it because they felt like just another expat – perhaps that’s what I didn’t like, that I wasn’t special any more. Overall, I was glad to visit Hong Kong, but I’m not sure that I would want to live there.

I had two reasons for visiting Hong Kong – one to get a new visa, two to do some shopping. Visa was absurdly easy – used an agency to get a 90 day dual entry visa – all done on the same day. Easiest process ever. It’s like a big shopping mall there, so the shopping was easy too. This message is coming from my new iPod touch – a rather sexy little piece of kit that does music, videos, photos and can browse the net with Wi-fi. All with a very cool finger-operated display.

Flew back to Beijing, going to be here for a couple more days, then make my way to the ocean. Rather worryingly, I’m having a mechanical issue with my Rohloff hub – they’ve given me something to do, to try and fix it – need to get my hands on some kerosene. Hopefully it will hold together long enough to get back to HK, where I can go back to the “Flying Ball” bike shop – they are the regional distributors. Or maybe it will all come right, would save me a lot of hassle if it does.

Oh and thanks to all who sent me birthday greetings, much appreciated